‘Can books conduct electricity?’
‘My children are just climbing your bookshelves: that’s ok… isn’t it?’
A John Cleese Twitter question [‘What is your pet peeve?’], first sparked the ‘Weird Things Customers Say in Bookshops’ blog, which grew over three years into one bookseller’s collection of ridiculous conversations on the shop floor.
From ‘Did Beatrix Potter ever write a book about dinosaurs?’ to the hunt for a paperback which could forecast the next year’s weather; and from ‘I’ve forgotten my glasses, please read me the first chapter’ to’Excuse me… is this book edible?’
This full-length collection illustrated by the Brothers McLeod also includes top ‘Weird Things’ from bookshops around the world.”
Review Sunday: Weird Things Customers Say In Bookshops by Jen Campbell
Weird Things Customers Say In Bookshops #1
“This Sunday Times Bestseller is a miscellany of hilarious and peculiar bookshop moments:
‘Can books conduct electricity?’
Pretty much all I have to say about this book is that it was hilarious. I’m sure we’ve all said some of these things before so I was more laughing at myself and how weird we all sound sometimes. This is such a great book if you want to just read for 10 minutes and be a little happier. I whipped through it in about an hour and just couldn’t stop laughing!
This is just such a fun book I feel like it doesn’t really need all that extensive of a review so I’ll just get right to the quotes!
The Final Verdict:
A hilarious book that kept me laughing until the last page.
“[Customer brings The Lord of the Rings trilogy to the counter]
Customer: I am Legolas and I need to spread the word about The Lord of the Rings. I need to have this book for free.
Bookseller: No, I’m sorry, I can’t give you the book for free.
Customer’s friend: You have failed your quest!”
“[Customer’s phone rings]
Other Customer: Will you turn that off? There are laws about cell phones in bookstores you know!”
“Customer: Do you have Harry Potter book seven, part two?
Bookseller: Book seven is just one volume.
Customer: But the movie has two parts, so there must be a second book. They don’t just make movies from nothing!”
“Customer: Is this book edible?
Bookseller: … No.”
“Customer: Doesn’t it bother you, being surrounded by books all day? I think I’d be paranoid they were all going to jump off the shelves and kill me.
Customer: Are you ok?
Bookseller: Excuse me?
Customer: Is the bookstore ok?
Bookseller: Yes… the bookstore’s fine, thank you.
Customer: Really? I heard that something terrible had happened.
Bookseller: … As far as I’m aware, we’re all fine.
Customer: Oh. Well I got home from work to find a note from my daughter saying that there’d been a series of unfortunate events in the bookstore, and that I should call you about it.
Bookseller: Oh! No. You ordered Lemony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events. You can come and pick it up whenever you’re free.
Customer: … Oh! Well, thank goodness for that.”
“Customer: I just don’t like my Kindle. I like real books. They are like cozy blankets to me.”
“Customer: Do you have a restricted section?”
“Customer: Do you have any books on the dark arts?
Bookseller: … No.
Customer: Do you have any idea where I could find some?
Bookseller: Why don’t you try Knockturn Alley?
Customer: Where’s that?
Bookseller: Oh, the center of London.
Customer: Thanks, I’ll keep my eyes peeled for it.”
“Bookseller: Can I help you find anything?
Woman: Yes. We’re looking for the portal.
Man: We’re looking for the portal.
Woman: We’ve been tracking the portal to Lemuria for a long time and we’re pretty sure it’s here.
Bookseller: In this bookstore?
Man: Yes, we’ve been tracking the energy for years and we’re certain it’s in a bookstore in Lincoln City. We’re pretty sure it’s this one, but it’s possible it could be in a bookstore a few miles away.
Woman: No. Everything indicates it should be here. Maybe under the stairs.
Bookseller: Right. Well, have a look around, I suppose. Let me know if I can help you find anything!”
“Customer: Do you have a copy of Bella Swan’s favorite book? You know, from Twilight? [Bookseller sghs and pulls a copy of Wuthering Heights off the shelf]
Customer: Do you have the one with the cover that looks like Twilight?
Bookseller: No. This is an antiquarian bookstore, so this is an old edition of the book.
Customer: But it’s still the one with that girl Cathy and the dangerous guy, right?
Bookseller: Yes, it’s still the story by Emily Bronte.
Customer: Right. Do you think they’ll make it into a film?
Bookseller: They’ve made several films of it. The one where Ralph Fiennes plays Heathcliff is very good.
Customer: What? Voldemort plays Heathcliff?
Customer: But that’s Edward’s role.
Bookseller: Wuthering Heights was written well before both Harry Potter and Twilight.
Customer: Yeah, but Voldemort killed Cedric, who’s played by Robert Pattinson, and now Voldemort’s playing Edward’s role in Wuthering Heights, because Edward’s character is Heathcliff. I think that Emily Bronte’s trying to say something about vampires.”